.aenaria's delusions.

FanTasia

2009-07-15T19:56:14Z

Every year, Montreal plays host to a wonderful event called the FanTasia Film Fest. This festival allows us Montrealers to see a bunch of movies we wouldn't otherwise see on the big screen, and at a pretty affordable price. This year, the festival is running from July 9th to the 29th. Matt and I were a little late getting our movie picks in so we missed a few winners, but we still managed to find alot of movies that interested us. In fact, we found so many that we couldn't really afford to go see them all!

These are the ones that we are going to see:

Saturday July 18th:

@ 12:00pm – “Paco and the Magic Book,” Japan, Canadian Premiere, 105min, Original Japanese with English Subtitles
Synopsis & Trailer - Thumbs way up!

Monday July 20th:

@ 3:00pm – “The Warlords,” Hong Kong/China, Canadian Premiere, 127min, Original Mandarin with English Subtitles
Synopsis & Trailer - Thumbs way up!

Tuesday July 21st:

@10:10pm – “8th Wonderland,” France, Canadian Premiere, 93min, Original English, French, Spanish, Italian, Russian and Turk with English Subtitles
Synopsis & Trailer - Thumbs way up!

Wednesday July 22nd:

@5:00pm – “Canary,” USA, International Premiere, 93min, Original English, German, Russian and Chinese
Synopsis & Trailer - Thumbs down.

Friday July 24th:

@3:00pm – “Cyborg She,” Japan, Canadian Premiere, 120min, Original Japanese with English Subtitles
Synopsis & Trailer - Thumbs way up!

Monday July 27th:

@7:20pm – “Antique,” South Korea, Canadian Premiere, 109min, Original Korean and French with English Subtitles
Synopsis & Trailer - Thumbs way up!
@10:45pm – “I Sell the Dead,” USA, Montreal Premiere, 85min, Original English
Synopsis & Trailer - Thumbs way up!

Thursday July 30th:

@9:15pm – “Trick 'r Treat,” USA/Canada, 100min, Original English
Synopsis & Trailer - Thumbs way up!

There were so many others I wanted to see... “Ip Man,” “Yatterman,” “Deadgirl,” “Dead Snow,” “Hells,” “Lesbian Vampire Killers,” “Love Exposure,” “Grace,” “Book of Blood,” “The Immaculate Conception of Little Dizzle,” “20th Century Boys Chapters One and Two,” “Orochi,” “Evangelion 1.0,” “Portrait of a Beauty,” “Coweb,” “Orphan,” “Nightmare Detective 2,” “The Children,” “Genius Party Beyond”...

Do yourselves a favour and check out FanTasia @ http://www.fantasiafest.com/2009/en/

Yay movies!

25 Things.

2009-02-09T19:39:47Z

1. I almost always look at things negatively first because the negative is what occurs to me in the moment and stands out for me when I look back on the past.
2. I have no real goals in life outside of being a wife and a mom and I often fear I won't end up being either... or that I'll be really bad at both.
3. I don't make friends easily and I try not to talk to people when I can avoid it - at least when I have to deal with them face to face.
4. I can count my close friends on one hand, two if I want to stretch the meaning of close. I keep a pretty good distance between myself and the people around me - family excluded.
5. I fall in love easily which is odd because I don't like to open myself up to people.
6. I can be in love with more than one person at once which makes me feel physically sick.
7. Relationships take alot of work for me. I question everything and never stop thinking about the why's, when's and how's of every little thing that happens. I also think about the what if's alot. If I don't feel like the relationship is progressing, I experience a pressing urge to jump ship.
8. I get bored _very_ easily which sucks because I don't do much so I'm almost always bored.
9. I hate the cold to the point that I become a hermit in the winter unless a car is involved. As such, Montreal is the worst possible place I could live but I feel stuck here.
10. I am terible with money. No matter how little or much I have, I always seem to end up getting myself in trouble financially.
11. I hate cooking. Hate. Hate. Hate. If I could, I would order out every night.
12. I find washing dishes soothing once I start doing it, but it takes alot for me to get myself to that point because I'm lazy.
13. I sometimes think I'm pretty but then I look closer and see all the flaws. My nose is too big, my eyes don't stand out and my mouth is too small. My ears are also too big.
14. I don't understand why people love me or care what happens to me. I don't feel worthy of the thought people put into my wellbeing. I'm not a particularly great person and I'm boring at the best of times. That said, I appreciate it that people do care.
15. I need to lose weight. I've gained weight steadily since high school. If I keep it up, I will look like a whale by the time I'm in my thirties - I already joke that I do because I get really depressed when I see how round I am. I feel unattractive.
16. I adore chocolate way too much.
17. I love the smell of vanilla - my perfume, deodorant and lipgloss are all vanilla. But. I don't like vanilla ice cream and cake. Go figure.
18. I love animals and have fourteen of them. A rabbit (named Han), eight hamsters (named Shatner, Alby, Chewie, Bean, Bones, Bear, Teddy and Hal) and five degus.
19. I sometimes think that I could enjoy going for walks if people went with me but then people never want to or it gets too cold out and I change my mind.
20. I love water and swimming but I can't swim anymore because it drives me nuts not being able to see without my glasses. I also hate the idea of me in a bathing suit.
21. I don't like going out because I don't like crowds and people. I feel safer and happier in my own apartment.
22. I love playing World of Warcraft because I've met really amazing people in game - and because I _know_ that I can stop playing at any time and never speak to them again. Knowing that is the only reason I feel like I can really be myself around them. It's a safe social environment.
23. That said, I feel a tremendous amount of pressure when I play because I always think I'm going to suck or mess up. I don't think that I'm a very good player.
24. I'm a huge stressball. I stress about every little thing and every aspect of life. I will probably give myself a heart attack within the next ten years.
25. I wish my cousins lived closer because they are the nicest people I know and I miss them.

Because Shiva has a problem with my booklists.

2009-02-01T21:16:00Z

I haven't been posting on LiveJournal for the simple reason that whenever I feel inclined to write, it's because I'm having a bad day, week, month. The result is complaints. But, Shiva asked for it... so here I go.

Life at the moment has me in a position where I wish I wasn't _here_. I can't wish I was dead because that would be selfish and unfair and I can't really define _here_ because well, I can't see anything being better if I moved somewhere else. I guess _here_ could be a mindset but the problem is, my mind is pretty set in what I already think and feel regarding life and mostly I feel that it sucks. Apparently however, this doesn't mean that I'm depressed (at least according to the psychiatrists I've seen) and while I am on antidepressants anyways because I'm one large stressball, they aren't really helping to control the way I feel. It doesn't help that I also have a really hard time explaining myself to psychiatrists so I always end up feeling like they are misunderstanding me and the end result is more stress. Fun fun.

Wow tangent.

To get back on topic. Life at the moment has me in a position where I wish I wasn't here. I'm not in school this semester because I can't handle the stress of it. Whenever I think about writing papers I cry, I freak out, I sleep constantly. I've been on antidepressants for a year now but they have done nothing to help. The psychiatrist said that I have "obsessive anxiety" and wanted to change my pills but my GP wants a second opinion before she changes anything so at the moment nothing has changed.

Home life is stressful. There is constant noise from all our pets... wheels going, the bunny stamping, the degus meeping amongst each other. At times I find it calming and other times it infuriates me because I can't even have a silent moment to myself in my own home. There is also the matter of cage cleaning which I've been neglecting alot just because the idea of cleaning ten cages makes my stomach sink. I love my pets but there are just too many and I can't handle it half the time. The hamsters won't stay still when you play with them, the degus scratch the shit out of you without even realising it and the bunny eats everything in sight... including computer wires, Matt's amp and any furniture he can sink his sharp little teeth into. I love them but I honestly wish sometimes that they would disappear.

My boss thinks that I need a break (which I do) and is only giving me two days of work a week but even that is more than I want to be doing. My job sucks to the point that I can't sleep when I know that I have to go in the next day and the end result is a terribly grumpy Kim. Grumpy Kim is made worse by the fact that I desperately need to be making more money than I am and I feel hopelessly screwed financially. I already had a moderate amount of debt before going back to school and now I have my school loans to worry about right away as well if I am unable to go back to school in September. Two days a week of work barely allows me to pay my rent, much less worry about everything else that is stacking up because I've been unable to pay it since December. Matt has been trying to help out but I can only rely on him to a certain point and I'd rather get myself in a huge financial funk than expect him to pay everything for me.

Finally, I play way too much WoW... probably because of all of the above. My life sucks so I bury myself in a game that takes too much time with little to no reward. I force myself to be as helpful as I can and I've been trying to organize all the raids which is making me want to shoot myself in the foot... but I keep doing it anways. I might as well buy myself a whip and start in on my own back because that's pretty much what I'm already doing. It doesn't help that the guild has noticed that I'm always on so I've become Kim the reliable. They expect that I'll always be there for a raid and I can't _not_ be there because I feel like I'd be letting everyone down. So. Even if I'm in a terribad mood, I go. If I'm tired, I go. If I feel like I'm dying, I go. I won't even do this shit for work or school or my family or friends but in game, I will make damn sure I'm there. It's really fucked up.

Anyways. Done ranting for today. =/ I don't feel any better.

Slowly getting there...

2008-12-31T23:51:22Z

Reading List of 2009:

1) “Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West” – Gregory Maguire (406p)

2) “Ink Exchange” – Melissa Marr (325p)

3) “The Lost Queen” – Frewin Jones (335p)

4) “The Sorcerer King” – Frewin Jones (324p)

5) “Marked” – P. C. Cast + Kristin Cast (306p)

6) “Betrayed” – P. C. Cast + Kristin Cast (310p)

7) “Chosen” – P. C. Cast + Kristin Cast (307p)

8) “Untamed” – P. C. Cast + Kristin Cast (338p)

9) “Hunted” – P. C. Cast + Kristin Cast (323p)

10) “A Great and Terrible Beauty” – Libba Bray (403p)

11) “Rebel Angels” – Libba Bray (548p)

12) “Fruits Basket Volume 22” – Natsuki Takaya (196p)

13) “The Sweet Far Thing” – Libba Bray (819p)

14) “City of Glass” – Cassandra Clare (541p)

15) “Dead Until Dark” – Charlaine Harris (292p)

16) “Living Dead in Dallas” – Charlaine Harris (291p)

17) “Club Dead” – Charlaine Harris (292p)

18) “Dead to the World” – Charlaine Harris (310p)

19) “Dead as a Doornail” – Charlaine Harris (310p)

20) “Definitely Dead” – Charlaine Harris (342p)

21) “All Together Dead” – Charlaine Harris (342p)

22) “From Dead to Worse” – Charlaine Harris (321p)

23) “Lucky” – Alice Sebold (243p)

24) “The Awakening” – Kelley Armstrong (357p)

25) “Fragile Eternity” – Melissa Marr (389p)

26) “Fruits Basket Volume 23” – Natsuki Takaya (186p)

27) “The Immortal Realm” – Frewin Jones (341p)

28) “Dead and Gone” – Charlaine Harris (312p)

29) “Uglies” – Scott Westerfeld (425p)

30) “Pretties” – Scott Westerfeld (370p)

31) “Specials” – Scott Westerfeld (372p)

32) “Extras” – Scott Westerfeld (417p)

33) “Cockroach” – Rawi Hage (305p)

34) “A Touch of Dead” – Charlaine Harris (192p)

35) “The Diviners” – Margaret Laurence (525p)

36) “Coming Through Slaughter” – Michael Ondaatje (160p)

37) “Whale Music” – Paul Quarrington (213p)

Currently in Progress: “An Introduction to Hinduism” – Gavin Flood (341p)

Currently in Progress: “The Varieties of Religious Experience” – William James (390p)

Currently in Progress: “Gandhi's Truth” – Erik H. Erikson (448p)

To Read: "Tempted" – P. C. Cast & Kristin Cast (319p)

To Read: "Going Bovine" – Libba Bray (480p)

To Read: "Vacations from Hell" – Libba Bray, Cassandra Clare, etc. (280p)

To Read: "hush, hush" – Becca Fitzpatrick (391p)

To Read: "Smoke and Mirrors" – Neil Gaiman (346p)
To Read: "Shiver" – Maggie Stiefvater (390p)

Book Goal: 37/50 – 74%
Page Goal: 12710/15000 – 85%

Days: 323/365 – 88%

Comics of 2009: (they're short so I don't count them as books)

1) “BtVS Season 8 – After These Messages... We'll Be Right Back!”

2) “BtVS Season 8 – Predators and Prey, Part I: Harmonic Divergence”

3) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #15”

4) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #16”

5) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #17”

6) “Angel: Aftermath – Issue #18”

7) “Angel: Aftermath – Issue #19”

8) “BtVS Season 8 – Predators and Prey, Part II: Swell”

9) “BtVS Season 8 – Predators and Prey, Part III: Predators and Prey”

10) “BtVS Season 8 – Predators and Prey, Part IV: Safe”

11) “Angel: Aftermath – Issue #20”

12) “BtVS Season 8 – Predators and Prey, Part V: Living Doll”

13) “Angel: Aftermath – Issue #21”

14) “Angel: Aftermath – Issue #22”

15) “BtVS Season 8 – Tales of the Vampires”

16) “BtVS Season 8 – Retreat, Part I”

17) “Angel: After the Fall - Epilogue – Issue #23”

18) “BtVS Season 8 – Retreat, Part II”

19) “Angel: Drusilla – Issue #24”

20) “Angel: Only Human – Issue #1”

21) “BtVS Season 8 – Retreat, Part III”

22) “BtVS Season 8 – Retreat, Part IV”

23) “Angel: Drusilla – Issue #25”

24) “Angel: Boys and Their Toys – Issue #26”

25) “Angel: Only Human – Issue #2”

26) “Angel: Only Human – Issue #3”

27) “BtVS Season 8 – Retreat, Part V”

28) “Angel: Only Human – Issue #4”

29) “Angel: Boys and Their Toys – Issue #27”

*Updated December15th, 2009.

The Year is Done.

2008-08-26T21:32:22Z

Reading List of 2008:

1) “Stardust” – Neil Gaiman (248p)

2) “The Field Guide” – Tony DiTerlizzi & Holly Black (107p)

3) “The Seeing Stone” – Tony DiTerlizzi & Holly Black (108p)

4) “Lucinda’s Secret” – Tony DiTerlizzi & Holly Black (108p)

5) “The Ironwood Tree” – Tony DiTerlizzi & Holly Black (108p)

6) “The Wrath of Mulgarath” – Tony DiTerlizzi & Holly Black (136p)

7) “Interview with the Vampire” – Anne Rice (340p)

8) “Night” – Elie Wiesel (120p)

9) “Religion and its Monsters” – Tim Beal (196p)

10) “Rebecca” – Daphne du Maurier (428p)

11) “Fruits Basket Volume 19” – Natsuki Takaya (216p)

12) “The Sacred Quest” – Cunningham & Kelsay (158p)

13) “The Maltese Falcon” – Dashiell Hammett (217p)

14) “Septimus Heap – Queste” – Angie Sage (596p)

15) “The DaVinci Code” – Dan Brown (489p)

16) “Candide” – Voltaire (87p)

17) “City of Bones” – Cassandra Clare (485p)

18) “The Lovely Bones” – Alice Sebold (328p)

19) “City of Ashes” – Cassandra Clare (453p)

20) “Fruits Basket Volume 20” – Natsuki Takaya (192p)

21) “Twilight” – Stephenie Meyer (498p)

22) “New Moon” – Stephenie Meyer (563p)

23) “Eclipse” – Stephenie Meyer (629p)

24) “The Book of Lost Things” – John Connelly (470p)

25) “Breaking Dawn” – Stephenie Meyer (754p)

26) “American Gods” – Neil Gaiman (588p)

27) “Tithe” – Holly Black (331p)

28) “Valiant” – Holly Black (313p)

29) “Ironside” – Holly Black (323p)

30) “Tuck Everlasting” – Natalie Babbitt (139p)

31) “The Host” – Stephenie Meyer (619p)

32) “The Summoning” – Kelley Armstrong (390p)

33) “My Swordhand Is Singing” – Marcus Sedgwick (220p)

34) “Generals Die in Bed” – Charles Yale Harrison (152p)

35) “Fruits Basket Volume 21” – Natsuki Takaya (196p)

36) “Representing Religion in World Cinema” – Ed. S. Brent Plate (272p)

37) “Windflower” – Nick Bantock (215p)

38) “The Faerie Path” – Frewin Jones (312p)

39) “Wicked Lovely” – Melissa Marr (328p)

40) “The Tales of Beedle the Bard” – J. K. Rowling (105p)

Book Goal: 40/50 – 80%
Page Goal: 12535/15000 – 84%

Days: 366/366 – 100%

Comics of 2008: (they're short so I don't count them as books)

1) “Buffy Season 8 – Anywhere But Here”

2) “Buffy Season 8 – A Beautiful Sunset”

3) “Buffy Season 8 – Wolves at the Gate Part I”

4) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #3”

5) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #4”

6) “Buffy Season 8 – Wolves at the Gate Part II”

7) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #5”

8) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #6”

9) “Buffy Season 8 – Wolves at the Gate Part III”

10) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #7”

11) “Buffy Season 8 – Wolves at the Gate Part IV”

12) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #8”

13) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #9”

14) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #10”

15) “Buffy Season 8 – Time of Your Life Part I”

16) “Spike: After the Fall – Issue #1”

17) “Buffy Season 8 – Time of Your Life Part II”

18) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #11”

19) “Buffy Season 8 – Time of Your Life Part III”

20) “Spike: After the Fall – Issue #2”

21) “Serenity – Those Left Behind Parts I, II, III”

22) “Serenity – Better Days Part I”

23) “Serenity – Better Days Part II”

24) “Serenity – Better Days Part III”

25) “Spike: After the Fall – Issue #3”

26) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #12”

27) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #13”

28) “Spike: After the Fall – Issue #4”

29) “Angel: After the Fall – Issue #14”

30) “Buffy Season 8 – Time of Your Life Part IV”

*Updated December 31st, 2008.